And I go crazy

What movie is this? I must know more.

  I am motivated to make things right and defend myself. Justice is a sad joke these days and I can’t lay around and be stepped on by these people who have no reason to hate me. I have nothing to be ashamed of or to hide. 

 If they want a reason I will give them one… not my choice of action but if you ask you will receive. Because if I want to I can be a real jerk… so I’ve been told. In the other hand I could be a friend if you play your cards right.

 So difficult to live in a world where people who are misunderstood are feared and shut out instead of handled by your gift of communication to try to understand both sides.

 I have lived some of the worst days of my life these last couple of months to points that made me close to losing my mind completely and I’m still not feeling like myself. But if there is light in the end of this tunnel… I don’t care if its the warmth of the sun or a deadly fire because that is the way I’m heading.

-A. Rodriguez

What I think about valentines day.(at least today.)

 Ever since I haven’t been drinking people make a big deal of it. The usual question is “why?”… I say its because I want to take a break of drinking and wait to really want one.

 The truth is I don’t want anything to filter my emotions. If any pain or joy comes my way I want to feel it. Just like the joy I would feel when I was drunk on the beats love. 

 The way things are going I will never have another alcoholic beverage in my life. And I’m ok with that. So far so good.

  Plan to check this out tomorrow.

  Strange talk at work… people are more concerned with my weight and how I don’t really eat during lunch time. I really didn’t notice so have to think they’re over reacting. If I’m not that hungry or I don’t HAVE to eat. MY body MY choice.

  Another subject that came up was becoming a foreman. They really need someone else to be in charge of jobs… but that is not in my plans. I pretend everything is ok and go on with my day as if nothing is wrong… while I hate every breath I take.  All I want to do is make some money to leave to my mom so that she doesn’t struggle when I leave. So I go on with my days and fill them with things so do to keep me from losing my mind. But “Abe” is not here.

 *sigh

 El tiempo es una invención de los incapaces de amar

  Se le acabo el tiempo.

1. Lost my beat.

2. Lost myself.

3. Lost sleep.

4. Lost my hair.

5. Ate chicken for the first time in years (threw it up).

6. Lost 10 pounds.

7. No smoking.

8. No drinking.

9. Started running (as if I had someone to run to).

10. I re-boot my construction job  next week.